The Choices We Make
by warmsugar
Summary: Shuurei is faced with a bitter truth she can no longer escape from, and Ryuuren points her in the right direction
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**_

_**Wow! I came up with this drabble because I was inspired by a review I got from Moor! :) Thank you for reminding me as to why I actually love Saimono!**_

_**  
Anyway, this is based on the premise that Shuurei knows a certain and well-kept secret that she refused to acknowledge, until she is finally forced to stare it in the face.**_

_**Not too sure if it works, or if maybe I made Ran Ryuuren a little to OOC, but in a sense, acting out of context is part of his enigma-- or something to that effect! lol!**_

_**Hope you enjoy this and again, reviews are much appreciated!**_

_**Domo Arigatou!**_

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"You speak in riddles," she accused harshly. "Is everything just a game to you?"

He stared at her with dispassionate eyes, eyes that saw through the brashness of her voice to the trembling child within.

"I speak only the truth," he repeated firmly.

Shuurei stared at him mutely, emotions flickering from disbelief to outright anger.

"I don't understand how you can calmly say this to my face, does friendship mean nothing?"

He sighed deeply, his knowing glance taking in the subtle rise and fall of her chest with her agitated breathing. He took note of the dilation of stormy brown orbs and idly wondered at the difficult and bothersome predicaments his name sometimes landed him in.

Ryuuren suddenly reached out to grab Shuurei's face firmly between callused palms.

Other than the slight flare of dainty nostrils, her gamine face did not betray the smallest hint of disturbance.

"Yes?" She instead queried coolly.

"You misunderstand me, Friend of My Heart number one," Ryuuren stated smoothly. "Do you honestly believe that this is merely a matter of black and white? Your belief in such childish things as fairness and equality are," he patted her cheek almost sharply before letting her go to continue on, "almost endearing if only it wasn't so pitiful to watch," he chided softly.

He turned around to face the window, hands clasped behind his back. He began speaking, quietly.

"The strong survive and the weak perish, it has always been that way." He uttered with a negligent shrug.

It was said in such a simple and straightforward tone that it tugged the painful chord of truth within Shuurei's heart.

"What… just what are you implying Ryuuren?" she questioned tentatively, although deep inside she already knew the answer.

"The world is changing. Both political and civil unrest plague the capital like a malignant sore," he spun around and stared at her directly.

"You of all people know the workings of the Inner Court— the deception and intrigue." the last words were uttered in a disdainful manner.

"The people know Shuurei," he stated flatly. "They know, and the whispers have begun circulating in the streets. It's merely a matter of time before they reach the palace."

"What do you think would happen if those greedy and power-hungry mongrels discovered this undeniable truth?" Ryuuren asked seriously. "I'm sorry Friend of My Heart number one but it has already begun. The walls have ears." He ended sadly.

Shuurei stared at him and paled in dawning horror. If this were true… the chaos and strife that were bound to ensue would be catastrophic.

"I… I must…" Her hand flew to her mouth, "I must warn…" her stricken eyes flew to meet his.

"Go," he commanded dismissively— reverting to his usual eccentric self. "I must now play a song of lament for the fallen," he rambled on glibly, before turning to face the window once more.

Shuurei needed no further encouragement and quickly fled the room.

Ryuuren waited until the last of her footsteps faded before taking out his flute. Instead of the usual ear-piercing and bone-jarring noise associated with the Ran clan's genius, a thoughtful silence was heard.

He stared out into the night and thought about his conversation with the Kou princess. His mind went on to contemplate on the dark cloud that loomed over the horizon and threatened to ruin the unstable peace in the kingdom.

All he could do was bide his time and watch as the fragile rope that held everything together began to unravel.

_Just what will you do, Shuurei? _He wondered curiously.

_Who will you choose to save?_

It would be a difficult enough choice— one that left no room for petty ideals such as friendship, or even loyalty.

What were they to do?

Now that the people knew Prince Seien lived…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Due to a lot of requests for me to continue... voila! :DI hope that this was worth the wait! :) I purposely made Ryuuki a bit... well, different in this chapter to provide a counterpoint to Seiran's usual "emotionlessness." LOL! I'd love to know if it worked. :)**

**Thanks and again, reviews are much loved! :)**

**Ja ne!**

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A heavy silence hung over the royal chambers.

Emperor Shi Ryuuki sat by the window looking out into the royal gardens, quietly enjoying the evening breeze.

At last, he spoke— breaking the tension-filled quiet.

"Is there something you wish to speak to us about… Aniue?" he stated softly, without turning away from the sight before him.

_The moon is quite splendid tonight, _he thought idly.

Hesitant steps drew close. The sound of shuffling, then stillness.

"We think we have an idea of what is bothering you, there are rumors it seems…" Ryuuki continued casually.

"And, doesn't that concern you?" Seiran asked derisively. "As the emperor, it is your duty to nip such baseless nonsense in the bud." He ended flatly.

_Though there are no stars. What a pity._

Ryuuki twirled a lock of silken hair between callused fingers. "Are you sure they are baseless, Seien aniue?" he asked mockingly. This was perhaps, the closest to open hostility he had ever shown his elder and beloved brother.

Seiran stiffened in response to the unfamiliar tone in the emperor's voice. It was both foreign and disturbing.

_And yet he speaks so freely, so carelessly…_

"And just what is that supposed to mean, _**your highness?**__" _Seiran queried levelly, fine brows arched over narrowed emerald eyes.

"Where there is smoke there is fire." Ryuuki answered negligently.

He slid a sideways glance at the one known as Shi Seiran and took in everything with a calculating look. The young soldier was shrouded half in darkness and half in light.

_How did it feel? To walk in darkness and still be touched by the sun?_

"Is it not uncommon for them to wonder?" Ryuuki turned to face him. "The people… no, _**our**_ people," he amended pointedly "are not stupid Seiran. Sooner or later they will figure it out."

"And your point is?" Seiran bit out in a hard tone. "This isn't a game _**your majesty.**__"_

"Agreed." He replied calmly.

"Then what are you playing at Ryuuki?" he demanded harshly, forgetting the proprieties and protocol that belonged to the royal court.

Tonight they were merely Seiran and Ryuuki.

"You chose to walk away from all this Seien aniue," Ryuuki reminded him coldly.

"I discarded that name a long time ago." He responded tersely.

"And that makes everything alright?" Ryuuki rounded on him angrily, reverting to less formal speech in the heat of the moment.

"You left me… you left me alone to die!" he added hoarsely. "I had no one… can you even begin to imagine what I went through?" he accused pitifully.

Seiran was stricken by the naked pain he saw in his brother's eyes. It was something he was not prepared to witness, much less acknowledge.

"My brother, the only one who loved me suddenly disappeared and abandoned me to the mercy of our elder siblings who treated me like dirt. I endured countless beatings, crying out for someone to save me… hoping that you would save me-- yet you never came."

_And yet you stand before me now, proud and unreachable as ever. I could never touch you._

"You disappear for years and come back now, all strong and proud." He sneered disdainfully.

"You were lucky… lucky to be taken in by Shouka-sama, and loved!" he spat bitterly. "You were loved…"

_What is this rage? It feels as if my mind is apart from my body. What is this disease that ravages my soul?_

"You think it does not bother me? To be compared and found wanting, to a deceased brother no less?" he hissed, animosity dripping with every word.

Ryuuki advanced on the taller man with long and purposeful strides until he was but a hairs-breadth away from touching him.

He looked up, and what he saw reflected in wide green pools suddenly deflated him.

"You took away everything… everything... Shuurei…" he whispered brokenly.

The light of understanding dawned in Seiran's eyes as he gazed upon the pathetic form of the young emperor.

Unhesitatingly, he gathered his brother into his arms. His limp form was cold and unresponsive.

Seiran stared at the bundle he cradled carefully.

He stared for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**Gomen nasai for the long wait... I've been afflicted with a severe case of writer's block plus a full and overly hectic schedule and as such, am barely scraping by enough time to update my ongoing stories. I do hope you can all bear with me for the time-being. :)**

**So there. Thanks again for the encouraging words and as always, your comments and reviews are always welcome!**

**

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**The afternoon sun was hazy and filtered as it splashed into the quiet chambers of the Kou clan's princess. Shuurei stared sightlessly into nothing, alternately contemplating over— and cursing the chain of events that led to this particular moment.

She had spent a restless night tossing and turning in bed, trying her best to come up with the best possible way to broach the subject with her silver-haired and emerald-eyed protector.

Shuurei bit her lip gingerly, her attention so focused on the thought currently plaguing her that she failed to notice his entrance.

Seiran slipped quietly into the room and smiled inwardly at the picture she presented. Shell pink lips were puckered into a tight bud and a tiny line marred the otherwise smoothness of a porcelain forehead.

It was fairly obvious that something weighed heavily on her mind. He cleared his throat and waited for her to acknowledge his presence.

Startled brown eyes flew up to meet his steady gaze, and a soft gasp escaped her lips.

"My goodness," she exclaimed breathlessly. "You gave me quite a start, Seiran," Shuurei grumbled in a disgruntled voice.

"My apologies, Ojou-sama," he replied with an easy smile.

"Hmmph. You don't look sorry at all!" Shuurei muttered, eyeing him with narrowed eyes.

He shrugged his shoulders in response and said, "You are worried about something," he accused, changing the topic. "What is it? How many times must I tell you that you don't have to carry your burdens alone." Seiran rebuked gently.

Shuurei stared at him in consternation. If only it were that easy. After all, how did one go about asking someone if he truly was the exiled prince?

"I… um… What I meant to say is…" Shuurei began, then halted mid-sentence in frustration.

She tried again. "Um, it's not so much as a worry, really." She mumbled grudgingly.

Seiran arched a brow in inquiry.

"You see, it's more like a question." She nodded her head in affirmation. "Yes, there's a question that's been plaguing my thoughts you see." Shuurei stated firmly.

"And although I think I already know the answer… I desperately want to be proven otherwise." She ended softly, averting her face from his intense stare.

Seiran looked at her questioningly, a frown appearing on his chiseled features.

"What sort of thought could be troubling you this much," he reached out to cup her face and tilted it slowly to face him. "That it causes you to look this way?" He queried quietly.

Shuure looked into Seiran's eyes and almost squirmed under his penetrating gaze.

Those same eyes that had looked at her with nothing but fondness and care were foreign to her, as they burned with an unfamiliar fire that refused to be banked.

This was not her Seiran.

And it was all the answer she needed. However, some perverse sense of self egged her on to finish what she started. Pandora's Box would open whether she liked it or not and there was nothing she could do but try to make the most of the precarious situation they were now tangled in— and to figure out a way to save him.

To save them both.

But she needed to know the truth.

From his lips.

From lips that had sworn they would never lie and always be true.

Shuurei breathed in deeply, preparing her mind and body to breathe life into the very words that had shaken her to the core when she had first started to suspect it. But she needed to be sure.

She gazed deeply into shadowed green eyes and uttered the one thing that she knew had the power to unravel him and destroy him completely.

_Forgive me, _she prayed mutely.

"Are you… really… Prince Seien?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I originally meant this to be a series of drabbles but somehow it's become a sort of chaptered fic. :S **

**Anyway, for whatever it's worth and for whoever is still reading this or even remembers this story, here's chapter 4. :)**

**Comments, suggestions and concrit are highly appreciated.**

**Thanks!**

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Other than the slight tightening at the corner of his mouth, which was imperceptible to an untrained eye, Seiran did not so much as blink. He casually turned to the table by his bedside and idly began picking things up and examining them.

"What a silly question; Ojou-sama, it is common knowledge that the exiled prince is dead," he replied dismissively. Forcing a chuckle he continued, "And how could you possibly confuse me with royalty— especially you who know my past intimately," he stated matter-of-factly.

Seiran was glad that his back was turned to his mistress otherwise she would have easily uncovered the truth behind his lies.

Before she could even think about the propriety of her actions, Shuurei grabbed hold of his arm and forcibly turned him to face her.

Against his will, Seiran found himself staring into a pair of dark and searching eyes that roamed over his visage intently.

"You're lying to me," she whispered in disappointment. "Why? Would it be so terrible for me to find out your secret?"

Seiran kept his face totally devoid of expression and met Shuurei's piercing look with relative equanimity. "I'm not lying Ojou-sama," he responded automatically, his retainer's smile sliding faithfully into place.

Heat raced to her cheeks, tinting them crimson. Shuurei's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Stop it, just stop it!" She stated fiercely. "You say I know you best— then submit to me now. For once, do away with the half-truths and deception." She demanded almost belligerently.

"And what good would it do?" He asked slowly in a voice devoid of emotion. "Should I choose to entertain this ridiculous notion of yours and decide to humor you— and admit that I am indeed the exiled prince— what good will it do? He enunciated carefully.

Seiran stared down and took in chocolate eyes that were suddenly cloudy with confusion. While part of him ached to see Shuurei unsure and uncertain, there was too much at stake for him to give anything away— not even if it were for the sake of that which was most precious to him.

"Will you persist in this foolishness Ojou-sama?" he asked quietly. "As a court official you are well aware of the precarious state the Kingdom is in. Ryuuki… no, the emperor," her corrected himself and continued on. "The emperor needs your loyalty and unwavering support more than ever."

Shuurei had remained mute and rigid in his hold, and again it pierced his hear that he could not protect her from the maelstrom that was quickly descending to ravage the capital.

"This Kingdom needs peace, a time to heal and prosper. There is no room for hesitation and indecision, much less the resurrection of a long forgotten prince."

"This is not some fairy tale with a neat and happy ending," he ended gently. "You do understand that don't you, Shuurei? Nothing good will come from chasing phantoms."

After a few moments, Shuurei relaxed against him and rested her forehead against the center of his chest. She desperately wanted to lash out at him and at the unfairness of it all. How could her Seiran lie so beautifully to her face? She clenched her fists tightly to keep them from trembling.

"And if I don't?" She asked huskily.

Seiran started at the sound of her voice and looked down in surprise. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Don't what Ojou-sama?" he asked uncertainly.

"If I don't understand," she clarified. She moved a step back and looked up into his face, trying to read the darkness shadowing his usual clear and steady gaze. "Help me understand Seiran, make me…" she implored haltingly.

"How can you continue denying your heritage when you can clearly see that our country is falling apart?" Shuurei ended on a choked sob.

Seiran felt the dampness of his mistress' tears on his skin in mournful accusation. More than ever, his lack of power and inability to protect her were made painfully evident with each scalding drop.

Tightening his arms around her, he murmured words Shuurei thought she'd never hear.

"I don't know," he husked brokenly, I don't know."


End file.
